Monday, December 10, 2012

Trying

So, lots of thoughts.

Last week (or so) I posted about wanting quiet, wanting peace for this Advent season.  I was just longing for some space to stretch out, slow down, and think about things.

So every day, I have listened to my Advent theme song, and every day I have tried to shake it out and find myself a few minutes of quiet.

And now it's too quiet.

Greg is gone, left us yesterday to travel in Israel for the next week or so.  Normally, when he is away, life as we know it kind of stops and it sort of becomes suspended animation around here, and after the kids go to bed, I hunker down with reruns of one lame show or another, every light in the house ablaze, and just kind of exist.

It's true that there are plenty of lights burning tonight, but there are candles burning, too.  Advent candles, scented candles, Christmas candles... Not just light, but warmth.  Today, though it was bitter cold, the kids and I ran errands all morning, and tonight, our neighbors came over to play and eat cookies.  Now the kids are in bed, and I am snuggled under a blanket in my recliner, cocktail and cookies beside me on the table, candles ablaze all around me.

What I mean is, I'm trying.