Monday, August 22, 2011


I need to make a change.  Joel isn't sleeping (still!), though his naps were better this weekend.  He was still fussy all night last night, though, only happy while he was latched on.  It seems like every time I get him off to sleep, he stirs and realizes that my breast isn't at point blank range, and nothing will satisfy him until it is.

I am miserable at night.  I can't make Joel comfortable, and that's frustrating, and because he's uncomfortable, I don't sleep, and that is exhausting.  I feel useless and incompetent.

The only major thing I haven't tried is to put him on a schedule.  Rising, napping, eating, bathing and sleeping at the same time every day... that's an extreme I haven't tried yet.  Mostly because I am bad at schedules.  But maybe it would benefit him, and the rest of us by proxy.

So I guess I will start that this week.  I had wanted to start it today, but I got called in to work.  I wanted to say no, but I can't afford to reject the paycheck, so here I am.

I joked with Greg yesterday that if we have another baby and that baby won't take a pacifier, we are taking it back to the hospital to be repaired.

I joked, but seriously.  If Joel would take a pacifier peacefully, my life would be much easier!  I can't imagine what I would do with myself if I were getting more than 1-hour stretches of sleep!  Or if he'd take a bottle!  Oh my goodness, the luxury!

But he doesn't, and so looming in my immediate future are several nights of me, exhausted and heartsick and helpless, trying to teach Joel, tiny and sleepy and determined, how to sleep without a nipple in his mouth. 

I shouldn't complain.  My kids are healthy and (usually) happy, and I am immeasurably blessed.  But I am also beyond frustrated with this current situation.  I need help, and there isn't any help to be had.

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