Friday, November 19, 2010

Waiting

No one knows about waiting like an expectant mother.  Many times, the waiting begins before the pregnancy does, and it continues as she waits for the morning sickness to start and end, for the baby bump to appear, for the first little flutters of movement...

And then there are the last weeks, waiting for the end.  Waiting for the heartburn to subside, for the discomfort to stop, for any sign of impending labor.  Waiting to meet the little life she's been nurturing for so long.

I am very much there.  I am exhausted and uncomfortable, my back hurts, I have heartburn, I can't sleep... I just want it to be over so I can bring my baby son home.

But Joel is a big baby, according to my measurements and an ultrasound weight estimate from a month ago.  Today I went to see my doctor today about a cold, and when he measured my tummy, he told me to schedule an ultrasound for next week to check the baby's growth.  On that day, he will measure Baby Joel and estimate his due date weight, and if it is determined that he may be in danger in the case of a vaginal delivery, we will have "the c-section conversation." 

I have some pretty mixed emotions about the whole situation, as I suppose most women would.  I didn't have a hard time delivering Sophie; in fact, as hard as it was, it was one of the most remarkable moments of my life, and my recovery was fast and problem-free.  Another vaginal delivery is certainly what I would prefer, and I told my doctor I wasn't afraid of some hard work to achieve one.

But with this baby being bigger than average, and me being a small woman, there are some real concerns about such a delivery.  If Joel is too large to pass without abnormal difficulty, he could suffer nerve damage. If he became stuck in the birth canal, he could sustain brain damage (or worse) from lack of oxygen.  I don't want to have surgery, to miss "the moment," to have an invasive incision and face a painful recovery. 

Of course, I will do whatever is the safest thing for my son.  But right now, I wait.  Next Wednesday seems a lot further away from this perspective!

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